Waiting room

You told me once

Half-joking, half-serious

That If anyone were to ask you out

It would be after school was done

And I believed you

God, I believed you

So here I am

Counting time I didn't ask to count

Willing to wait two years

When I could be dating someone else

With one text

When I could have easy

When I could have now

But I don't want easy

I don't want now with anyone else

I want you

And that's the part that ruins me

Because I know you know

Youve always known

You were never supposed to see it

In the way I look at you too long,

In the way I go quiet when your name comes up,

In the way I make boundaries for everyone

And leave none for you

And now that you know,

You won't be direct

You said you want to see

How long I'm willing to wait

Like this is a test

Like my heart is something

You can watch and measure

Honestly?

Id wait

Id wait two years

Id wait longer

Id wait until the words don't hurt to say anymore

Id wait just to be wrapped in your arms

And finally exhale

But waiting is heavy

And loving you in secret

Is heavier

And I don't know how much longer

I can carry both

And still be just me