It's been forever 



Howdy 🙂 Esteemed readers,

I’m here to say something simple, but uncomfortable.

Everyone carries an imagination — a fixed picture of how life is meant to be, how people should act, how things should unfold.

We build these ideals so carefully, so confidently… as if reality signed an agreement to follow them.

But it doesn’t.

It never does.

Life breaks structure. It ignores expectations. It moves in ways we didn’t plan for.

We are taught patterns — routines, roles, even differences shaped by gender, society, and experience. We begin to believe there is a “right” way things should look. A standard. A formula.

But the truth is almost laughable…

The moment you try to force the ideal into reality, it resists.

You try to repaint life, adjust it, control it —

and it slips through your fingers.

Because an ideal is perfect.

And reality… isn’t built to be.

It can’t fit into something so rigid.

It won’t.

An ideal isn’t real.

And maybe, it was never meant to be 

Everyone carries an imagination — a fixed picture of how life is meant to be, how things should unfold.

But… it doesn’t end up that way.

It isn’t that way.

An ideal is controlled.

Reality isn’t.

An idea is marriage.

Two days ago, I realized something —

my grandparents’ marriage, the one I admired so much…

had too many ups and downs.

And now… I fear for myself.

Because the ideal I created, the one I fed my mind with,

the one I allowed to sit in my soul as “happiness”…

wasn’t real.

Many times, I wish these ideals would come to life.

I really do.

I love reading motivational quotes…

they make everything sound possible, soft, almost guaranteed.

“Don’t give up.”

“Everything will fall into place.”

“Be consistent.”

But sometimes I wonder…

is it really consistency?

Or time wasted… on something that was never meant to be?

The thoughts don’t stop.

They just revolve.

Over and over again.

Sometimes, I create movies in my head —

beautiful ones. Perfect ones.

Where my life makes sense.

Where everything aligns.

But reality?

Mtcheww.

It interrupts.

It ruins the scene.

And I hate it.

I really do.

So how do I leave the ideal…

and face what is real?

Maybe that’s why people escape —

through content, movies, music, other people’s problems…

just to breathe outside their own reality

for a little while.

Because staying in the real…

isn’t always easy.

And here I am —

with so many words,

yet stuck in the same spiraled, muddled thoughts

of something unreal.

What a real life.

Adios,

— a mind still trying to understand.